Thanks to Felicia for this one! Dog lovers of the world, unite...

To people who visit my home:

1. The dog lives here...you don't.
2. If you don't want dog hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture.
3. Yes, he has some disgusting habits. So do I and so do you. What's your point?
4. OF COURSE he smells like a dog.
5. It's his nature to try to sniff your crotch. Please feel free to sniff his.
6. I like him a lot better than I like most people.
7. To you he's a dog. To me he's an adopted son, who is short, hairy, walks on all fours, doesn't speak clearly, and hates cats. I have no problem with any of these things (although the cats might).
8. Dogs are better than kids:
   • They eat less,
   • They don't ask for money all the time,
   • They are easier to train,
   • They usually come when called,
   • They never drive your car,
   • They don't hang out with drug using friends,
   • They don't smoke or drink,
   • They don't worry about whether they have the latest fashions,
   • They don't wear your clothes,
   • They don't need a gazillion dollars for college,
   • and if they accidentally get pregnant......you can sell the pups - and it's OK to get them sterilized so they won't have offspring!